I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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