So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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