i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am one with the molecules
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
did i just pee glitter
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
