singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
