Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
