Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Four minutes until I can fart!
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
