look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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