She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
