my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
