We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
