I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
