Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
