Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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