there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
nutella sex= disaster
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
