I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
