Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
