Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
