This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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