Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
