I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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