There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
