Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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