The best revenge is premature balding
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
