wrigley field is MILF paradise
if i can run in heels then i can drive
too bad you live with your parents still
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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