he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
