He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
