Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
