Your dad touched me again.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
