I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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