I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
