I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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