Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
