so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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