the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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