I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
