i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
