Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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