fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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