Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
my poor anus
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
