we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
