Can Purell be used as lube?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
