He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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