woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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