Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
