Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
