I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
