I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
