Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
