i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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