just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
