Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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