We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
