He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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