glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
