how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
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The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
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He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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