remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
