The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
