Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
