I met the friendliest cop last night
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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