dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
