Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
