doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
