You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
