in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
