You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
