we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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